emlocke

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  • farewell winter break

    lauren goes back to school tomorrow. the last of the winter breakers is peacing out of ridgefield. it was good to have her here, knowing that she exists, as bored as i am, just a mile down the street. thanks for adding a social pulse to my january, and for reuniting me with john mayer, lauren! i’ll miss you! and with her departure, i guess my own design-your-own winter break, the timeline of which was under my complete control, comes to an end.

    i’m kicking myself b/c i was too tired to go to the gym tonight before it closed at 6. instead, i came home from work and crashed under the covers, which i needed b/c i was completely drained. but now it’s 10 and i’m wide awake and wishing the ridgefield rec was open late every night! or that i had an elliptical trainer and a full weight training circuit, oh, i don’t know, maybe stored under my bed?

    i joined the wellness center to tone up and lose what i like to call “the transfer ten” and the “finals five.” and also to build up my endurance before i have to single-handedly propel a kayak up the coast of chile. i never thought i would love it so much. i actually like getting ready and going in every day. and i like that, b/c i spend an hour or more at the gym, i’m drinking more water and actually eating enough protein and consciously taking care of myself on a daily basis. every day i feel stronger. and, i have to be honest, i love having a good reason to wear my sweatpants out of the house!

    quote of the day: “part of where i’m going, is knowing where i’m coming from, i don’t want to be anything other than what i’ve been trying to be lately, all I have to do is think of me and i have peace of mind.” – gavin degraw

  • birthday countdown

    virtually, i’ve been counting down the days to february 10th since the end of january, but it really didn’t kick in that i’m turning twenty in less than 150 hours until this morning. i called my mom at work to ask a rapidfire laundry list of questions about errands to run and people to call today, and, after answering all of them in one breathe, she said, “what i really want to know is, when can we go birthday shopping?” she’s so cute. i told her that she can wrap up gear and clothing for my trip as it comes in the mail.

    the truth is, i have been far too preoccupied with work outs, heavyweight sock research and comparison, job interviews, and vaccinations (ouch!) to get excited about turning 20. i was completely surprised when my mom brought up the double decade anniversary of my birth. that was the last thing i expected her to say! but now that i’m thinking about it, i remember how much i like my birthday. it’s special. for one thing, i love opening pretty birthday cards. and i love getting hugs and cheesecake. and, you have to admit, two decades is a pretty long time. it’s a big event.

    you know you’re getting older when your memories come in larger increments. for example, i learned to read fifteen years ago. i wonder how many books i’ve read in fifteen years?

    quote of the day: “life is full of obstacle illusions.” – grant frazier

  • How to Fail Your Driving Test

    I renewed my driver’s license on Friday. The new Connecticut licenses are sparkly and my picture is surprisingly accurate, even on the alluring “Man, what a cute driver-girl” side. But never mind that, since I’m ‘Under 21 until February 10th, 2005’ and my whole license is oriented vertically for immediate identification. The thick red stripe wasn’t distinct enough? Didn’t they notice, no one has to card me to know that I’m under 21! They did let me walk away with my old license though, a keepsake.

    I think going in for the new one was even better than the first time back in junior year. It was completely anxiety free, but I still felt all that excitement because it brought back the positive memories of a virgin driver. Like lucking out with a great photo, putting that card in my wallet for the first time, listening to Nelly Furtado in my 1988 Honda Accord on the way to school, the RHS parking lot dynamic, rolling the windows all the way down after school, melting Gap lipshines on the dashboard and sticking Everyday Kolor in the windows. We took ourselves so seriously in our cars back then.

    Of course, all that stuff was a million times sweeter for me because I was so devastated when I failed my driving test the first time. Hey, I needed some extra practice. I took myself a little too seriously and I needed to get a hold of my driving ego before I got that stamp of approval from the government! In honor of proving myself with three successful years as a licensed driver (well, except for pushing the car into chelsea’s tree on the first day of senior year and that one minor court incident), here is the article I wrote for ‘The Voice’ after the whole experience:

    How to Fail Your Driving Test

    On the day of my driver’s license test at the Danbury DMV, my greatest concern was the condition of my hair. I certainly did not want it to appear anything less than shiny, voluminous and strawberry blonde in my license picture! Little did I know how much I would have preferred the stereotypically unpleasant picture to no license at all, which is what I had in my wallet on the way home on that October afternoon.

    There were three major moments during my testing experience on October 19th, 2000, that hinted at my imminent fate. First, when I asked the clerk who took my forms if I would need them again that day, he joked that I would not, “Until you come back.” He though it was quite funny. I shrugged it off, oblivious to the possibility of my failure. Secondly, once I had completed the written portion of the test (I missed two—whoops) the police officer attempted to scare me by saying, “Well, you failed,” as he looked at my score. At this point, I grew somewhat nervous.

    Finally, while sitting in the DMV parking lot after executing a back-in parking job, I thought to myself, these exact words: “I, from this moment forward, am a licensed driver!”

    Not only did these coincidental events foreshadow the trauma to come, they made it all the more disappointing. Although the 12 minutes on the road are a blur in my memory, I know from my evaluation sheet that I failed because: A) When I was, “told to go left, [I] activated [my] right turn signal,” B) I used “no signal out of East Pembroke Road, and C) because the “operator [that was yours truly] approached junctions and made no effort to slow, stop, or check site line before proceeding.”

    Never mind that this government official, besides being rude, abrupt, and completely devoid of human emotion, misspelled “sight line.”

    In my defense…I was extremely nervous. In anticipating a right turn, after practicing routes during Driver’s Ed practice, I put on my right turn signal momentarily when the instructor spoke. At East Pembroke Road, I put on the correct turn signal, but the dramatic angle of the intersection caused the signal to automatically deactivate just before I turned. Finally, I was told during my final hours of Ridgefield High School’s Driver’s Ed that if I made any indication that I planned to stop my car at a place where there was no stop sign, I would fail the test. Therefore, when I approached these stop sign-less ‘junctions,’ I went against my driver’s instincts and maintained my speed to show that I wasn’t trying to stop. What else was I to do?

    “So,” the inspector said after he had described my mistakes in agonizing detail, “You’re going to have to come back.” All this while standing next to the cone I had tipped over on it’s edge while parking. I didn’t think it could get any worse, until I fainted right there on the pavement. No matter how nervous you are on the day of your test, eat something before you go.

    I made technical mistakes, but my errors before the test may have been even more destructive. First of all, I told far too many people that I was taking my test. I went so far as to carry a cellophane balloon from one of my friends through the halls the day before my appointment. This hurt my pride afterward, when I had to take the bus to school and break the news to everyone when they asked me excitedly, “Can I see your license?” Secondly, at 6 PM, the Danbury roads are busy and confusing enough for those who are familiar with them. An appointment at a less hectic time and a little touring and practice would have been in my best interest.

    But most importantly, I did not trust my instincts. The DMV officers want to see that you know the rules, but their top priority is that you are a safe, observant driver. Had I relaxed, listened to instructions, and followed my own instincts, I would not have had to wait another two months to achieve the rights to the road.

    Going back to the DMV on December 12th was a day to remember. This appointment took place at 2 PM – a much better time of day for mini-road trips in the greater Danbury area. I didn’t have to retake the written test, since I had passed it the first time. My road test lasted a long 25 minutes, but the inspector had checked off all the sections before we got in the car, and he skimmed a newspaper as we drove.

    So, when your time comes, relax, but take it seriously. Listen to that voice in your head – it’s your “inner-driver,” and it usually has your best interest in heart. Be a cautious driver. But most importantly, don’t let yourself think that your lifetime as a driver depends on this one drive. Even I got behind the wheel again.

    Quote of the day: “I looked above the other day, because I think that i’m good and ready for a change, and I live my life by the moon” – Nelly Furtado

    ***

    October 30, 2009

    Addendum:

    Responses to this entry are most welcome!  However, please note that comments submitted by readers since January 31, 2004 and in the future do not reflect the opinions of EmLocke. I do not endorse advice posted by readers, except where expressly stated otherwise.  I am not, nor have I ever been an employee of the Department of Motor Vehicles.

  • chatter

    i’m a chatterer. if i get cold, i chatter. if i get excited, i chatter. if i get intense, i chatter. if i pass out and go into shock on the floor of the camp jewell trading post, i chatter. tonight, i was at starbucks with lauren and jess, and i got so involved in our conversation, and there was a mild draft. i was a trembling wreck. every time i get out of the shower, i’m just one big shiver. and now, i’m sitting at my desk and i’ve been twitching with chills since i came in from the car.

    my fingers are the coldest. this afternoon, i had to give up on knitting and sit on my hands b/c i kept dropping stitches. right now, they lie, exposed, on the keyboard. i keep missing keys, my knuckles are cracking and my pinkies are sort of numb. in fact, my fingernails look a bit blue. like they’ve been in a parisian meat freezer overnight? brrr. i think it’s time to get in bed.

    quote of the day: “crooked little smile on her face, tells a tale of grace that’s all her own. spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song, a little girl with nothing wrong, and she’s all alone.” – norah jones

  • headquarters

    my dad and my brother totally wired my room today. in an effort to lure me from the pink room (a shallow emily-shaped depression was forming in the carpet) and reclaim it for their own, they ran cable and dsl lines through the closet and installed a brand new outlet in my wall! so, i am currently stationed at my desk, in an upright position, no less, and my body is no longer on the way to becoming a dusty relic next door.

    i’m thinking about re-arranging the furniture to improve accessibility to the laptop and view of the tv. and you all know how i love to redecorate. unfortunately, this project could be easier organized than implemented. my bed itself is a relic! my dad found it in a barn when he taught math at hoosac school and it’s been passed down to me. it’s brass and iron, which makes it heavy and practically immobile. it very well might take my whole family just to take it apart.

    keep your fingers crossed for me as i work out the details of my outward bound trip. filing forms, shipping gear, etc, in time is proving to be a formidable endeavor.

    quote of the day: “and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with” – csny

  • I See London, I See France

    The next time I so much as hint at purchasing a new pair of underwear, whether they are pink or lavender, paisley print, or on sale for one-ninety-nine, stop me. Create a diversion, physically restrain me, steal my wallet, whatever it takes. I do not need one more pair. This evening, I stacked forty seven pairs, arranged by style and color, of course, in my top drawer, and that tally does not take into account the periwinkle hibiscus print pair I’m wearing or any that linger in the laundry cycle. I challenge anyone who thinks their collection could transcend mine. It’s extravagant. It’s superfluous. It’s wonderful.

    I love underwear. I think it’s the perfect accessory. It never goes out of style. It coordinates with everything. It’s appropriate on any occasion. It’s available in assorted varieties. It’s an easy pick-me-up. And even if you keep it a secret, it’s still always fun for you. For instance, I love it when my underwear matches my outfit. I smile about it all day. But really. Enough is enough. No matter how cute that next pair is, remind me to exercise control. Halt. Step away from the panties.

    quote of the day: “creativity is a drug I cannot live without.” – Cecil B. Demille

  • Oh, Shift, Get Cranky

    Tonight, I drove my little brother over to his friend John’s house. I volunteered, actually, to drop him off at the house where, just last night, I drove right over when he called to ask for a ride, and then ended up waiting in the driveway for ten minutes (wearing long underwear, a turtleneck, a wool sweater, a down vest, a down parka, a scarf wrapped around my head and a furry, suede eskimo hat with ear flaps) while he remained upstairs, oblivious to my shivering presence, until I gave up and stumbled up the icy steps to ring the doorbell. When the boys finally came downstairs, it was John who actually thought to open the door and escort me inside. He said, “you look cold.” I don’t know how he could tell. My scarf concealed everything up to my eyes. Then he said, “You’re wearing a lot of coats.” Well, one was a vest actually. But he was right about the cold part.

    Even though William had the audacity to try, repeatedly, to change the radio station in the car on the way home, I gave the freshly permitted 16-year-old himself the opportunity to drive all the way down the driveway and park my mom’s prized minivan in the garage. We played chinese firedrill at the top of the driveway and, before adjusting the mirror, mind you, he was cruising. It was an excellent parking job, I must say, all right angles. All things considered, am I a good sister or what?

    Therefore, I really don’t think it was necessary to insult me as we embarked out on the roads tonight! now, I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t drive a standard transmission. I did try once, before I got my license, and my dad and I have both subliminally erased that day from our memories. But we all know that I haven’t made one single attempt since. So, my mom was in the city today, which left my car, parked outside and encased in ice, and my dad’s rav-4, a stick shift. While I bundled up to go scrape off the windshield, the following conversation took place:

    My brother: “We’re taking dad’s car, right?”
    Me: “No.”
    My brother: “Why not?”
    Me: “You know why.”
    My brother: “Come on, why can’t we take it, it’s right here in the garage.”
    Me: “Because I can’t drive a standard transmission and you know it!”
    My brother: “Oh. Well, I got it into second.”
    Me: “Oh yeah? Well, I don’t even know what that means.”

    Quote of the day: “Like so many americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.” – Kurt Vonnegut

  • chilean coast, you’re mine

    finally, finally called outward bound this morning and registered for chile!

    my dad and i headed out for my great uncle lloyd’s funeral down in new j this afternoon. i didn’t actually know my great uncle lloyd, but i wanted to drive down and spend some time with my dad. good thing i love him so much, b/c when we got to the church at 4:00, we discovered that the services are next friday. oops. so, we drove over to wyckoff, where my dad grew up, and stopped in front of his very first house, which is still red, just like it was back in the sixties.

    then we drove over to his other house, which i vaguely remember b/c my grandfather lived there when i was a kid and it has a pool. it was the scene of the great mini marshmallow fiasco of the 20th century, when i threw a fit b/c, even though my mom would have fed me all the mini marshmallows in the world, she would not let me carry the entire bag around in the basket of my new cabbage patch kids tricycle. and i would settle for nothing less than all the marshmallows, all at once.

    we also stopped to visit my grandparents’ headstone at the cemetery, which required some hunting b/c neither of us remembered where it stood. we bought white bread and sugar cookies at the wyckoff bakery, and headed home as the sun set.

    lisa loeb and her boyfriend dweezil zappa premiered their show on the food network tonight! no, it wasn’t a dazzling display of culinary insight or talent, but who am i to judge? lisa narrates the show, and i find her speaking voice just as endearing as her singing voice. both artists are just sweet and adorable, and i think traveling the country, hitting hot spots and best-kept secrets and sampling as amateur food critics and as a couple is a cute concept.

    quote of the day: “looking through my window at the big, blue sky, the lazy sun is shining, so i run outside” – lisa loeb

  • we’re out of cake

    the angel food cake i baked yesterday (that’s right, double layer, vanilla frosted, moist and fluffy) is practically crumbs. it didn’t stand a chance against my ravenous family. luckily i have a personal stock of chocolate reinforcements in the form of a symphony almond and toffee bar. it’s being rationed, due to potential weather complications. my mom and my brother were home with me and maggie all day today, and school may be cancelled again tomorrow. the wind chill temp outside right now is a frosty -24.

    i remember how exciting snow used to be, when the prospect of cancellations or delays had everybody making predictions online and watching the news strips along the bottom of the tv screen. oh, i miss waiting, with bated breath, for the all-powerful superintendent to make the ultimate call. i used to pretend to be ambivalent or completely oblivious, when really my heart raced every time a news bulletin ran, or especially if the phone rang late at night or early in the morning. and i always wanted to be the first to hear the news and broadcast to everyone else.

    quote of the day: “dig and be dug in return.” – langston hughes

  • star to the bucks

    i spent the evening at starbucks (now open twenty-four hours!) with jill and em and lek while the snow came down. my mom predicts a snow day for ridgefield schools tomorrow, so it looks as though the whole family might be home with me. maybe their presence will inspire me to finally call outward bound and register for the chile trip. i also need to renew my driver’s license, get my passport and join the new ridgefield rec center so i can start training.

    late notice, i’m officially re-accepted at mount holyoke, so i’ll be going back as a junior in the fall of 2004. hopefully living with holly and working at the saw center again, and perhaps working weekends at camp? now i’m listed as white, emily l (06/lv-year) in the online directory, which i think is cool in a mysteriously mysterious sort of way. and apparently my p.o. box number remains the same. in other academic news, i got my grades from hamilton, and i made the dean’s list! a in jazz, a- in lit & environment, a- in comp sci and b- in social psych. it’s not fair that those grades won’t count toward my stellar gpa at mount holyoke, but now i have 62 graduation credits, i’m almost a junior already and i will still graduate in may 2006.

    came up with lots of new craft ideas. tomorrow i’m going to work on my new canvas tote bag, and i’m also plotting some curtains for my room, marble magnets, beaded charms for just about everything i own, tiny paper mache lanterns, a mosaic, personalized ribbon belts, and some striped pajama pants/scrubs. and, if i ever have a desktop computer again, i want to spray paint the cpu case hot pink. wild!

    jessy and i are going to go visit alana and danny at uvm at some point this semester. i talked to alana today about applying to new camps. i hope we end up going somewhere together. i’m all about meeting new people, of course that’s important. but it’s also really important to me that i get to hold onto my history, and camp people are such a significant part of that history.

    quote of the day: “and you can’t deny this room will keep you warm.” – dar williams