emlocke

Category: Lists

  • Eveything I need to know about life I learned from my ex-best friends

    – That you can’t choose your own nickname
    – That I don’t have to spend all of your time and energy on a quest to “find myself”
    – The miraculous powers of the strapless bra
    – How to say something without actually saying it
    – That not everybody hears what you say without actually saying it
    – That some people interpret everything literally
    – How not to spill your drink in a crowd
    – The people you love the most are the people who can hurt you the most
    – That favorite colors and favorite animals are important
    – How to brew real chai tea
    – That the one time you really, really shouldn’t forward an e-mail from the boy you like to your best friend for critique and/or swooning is when the boy has belittled the best friend in the content of that e-mail
    – How to fish for a compliment
    – How to be a tease
    – To fold laundry straight out of the dryer
    – That really good sex only happens with the right person
    – Not to end a sentence with a preposition
    – How to love selflessly
    – How to mix a strong drink
    – That knowing someone and understanding someone and accepting someone and loving someone are all different things

  • I want that

    These things elicit intense desires, often urgent and irresistible, sometimes experienced mentally and sometimes felt viscerally. This is what I crave:

    • cold pizza
    • haircuts (not usually, but once I decide I want one, it’s a haircut emergency)
    • live female jazz vocalists
    • blue corn tortilla chips
    • relevatory candor
    • mischievous behavior
    • slow dancing
    • Eddie Izzard comedy
    • quiet company
    • cuddling with puppies
    • marathon workouts
    • writing

    When the craving strikes, I’ve gotta have it, taste it, feel it. I need it. I can think of nothing else. The only thing that can distract me from an unfulfilled craving is the onset of another craving. Cold pizza is usually a satisfactory substitution. I picked up a slice on the way home and put it in the fridge.

  • Highly Notable Events of January 2007

    • Accidentally left for work without brushing my teeth.
    • Drank coffee out of an actual mug before leaving the apartment.
    • Bought new shoes heels.
    • Pilfered a stack of outdated but perfectly readable New Yorkers from a neighbor’s recycling bin.

  • From a Mile Away

    Consider this Part II:

    People are usually surprised:

    • That I’m a slow reader
    • That I wear size ten shoes
    • That I’m a pearl-wearing Bon Jovi fan

    People are usually not-so-surprised:

    • When I’m late
    • That, when I met John McCain in college and he asked how I was voting, I told him I supported John Kerry
    • To learn that I’m very close to my parents

  • Lazy

    We are all imperfect. There are people in our lives who we hope we can count on to be forgiving, accepting, even endeared by our flaws. Sometimes they are the people who want most to believe that we have none, and they are the ones who are caught off guard when we falter.

    And then there are those who want nothing more than to flop over and lie nose to nose with you and say, without words, “No matter what, you’re okay with me.”

  • Retired Sitcoms

    Sitcoms I Didn’t Think I’d Like and I Was Really Right
    Frasier
    Married…with Children

    Sitcoms I Didn’t Think I’d Like and I Was Really Wrong
    Everybody Loves Raymond
    Grounded for Life

    Sitcoms I Thought I Would Like and I Was Really, Really Right
    Mad About You
    Dharma and Greg

  • Meal Plans

    A comparitive study on eating at home vs. college dining options

    1. At home, you have to wash, chop and store your own vegetables, but you don’t have to make a point to request ‘no onions’ every time you order lunch.
    2. The menu is limited to one option at a time, but you don’t have to try to ignore the deep-fried aroma of chicken fingers wafting over your salad.
    3. There’s no cooler of bottled beverages, but there is no limit on the purchase of bottled beverages.

  • Top (Only) 4 Reasons My Laptop Doesn’t Suck

    My mom was watching me type this morning. I’d compare the sensation to having someone watch you sleep, and freaking out when you noticed, but that’s never happened to me. Not in a romantic way or in a creepy way. So, she was watching me type and I didn’t even notice and then she said, “So when you tap it, that’s like clicking?” I wasn’t sure what sort of slang she was trying to decode (she works with middle schoolers, who knows what language those kids are speaking) until I realized she had been observing my keyboard mannerisms.

    My laptop, for all of its flaws, has a few great features. And since it would take forever to list all the things wrong with this paperweight, I’d like to discuss its merits.

    1. The touchpad responds to tapping and has a separate touch sensitive scrollbar. I almost never have to use the left- and right-click buttons.
    2. One-Touch buttons that can be linked to applications or even websites. I hit Thesaurus.com with the push of a button.
    3. Backlit buttons and touchpad. Once, someone sat down beside me to tell me something and was mesmerized by the lights. She said, “Oh, pretty!”
    4. External volume control and mute buttons, as well as backlit audio controls for CD and DVD playback on the front panel. I can play, pause or mute even if the screen is down.

    I’m so mad at my laptop right now that I’m unable to think of a fifth reason. That’s because the screen, the one that can be down and I’ll still have access to audio and playback controls, flickers like there’s a very little night club inside. Also, the power button, which is located right next to all of the One-Touch link buttons, that’s what I have to use to power the thing down. It goes through the whole shut-down process and would say, “Windows is shutting down” for all of eternity unless I stepped in and cut it off.

    This machine is very dear to me. At least, I can only assume that it holds a special, secret place in my heart, and that’s the only reason I haven’t dropped it off the roof yet.

    I knew there was a reason I set up the Whining category in WordPress.

  • Saw That Coming

    People are usually surprised to find out:

  • How much coffee I drink
  • That I haven’t kissed a guy in more than two years
  • That I have my own website

    • People are usually not-so-surprised to find out:

  • That I used to work at the Gap
  • That I’ve never smoked pot
  • That I’m an English major

  • Las Vegas Lady


    LVN 025
    Originally uploaded by EmLocke12.

    I had a low-key Vegas Night. I was hot enough to begin with, with my smokin’ outfit and my fever, so I decided to skip out on hot and sweaty Chapin, with beer on the floor and strangers hands in inappropriate places, uninvited. Instead, I got dressed up and visited all my dearest, drunkest friends to take pictures and celebrate MHC’s biggest – and by biggest, I mean only – party night.

    Highlights
    – it finally stopped raining
    – the pouf
    – a guy in a vinyl jacket asking me where I was going, and if he could come.
    – telling him I was going to bed with a fever and I was probably contagious.
    – making it through the whole night without taking off my heels in pain, because my whole night was approximately four hours long.

    Thrilled. Love to sequins, love to Vegas, love to MHC.