Why I Never Bought a Hamilton Sweatshirt

Why wear a sweatshirt at a school where it is clearly more fashionable (and, apparently, newsworthy) to sport no clothing at all? Today’s New York Times features this charming article about my temporary alma mater. Excerpts…

November 3, 2004
In a Game of Shirts and Skins, They’d Be the Skins
By MAREK FUCHS

CLINTON, N.Y., Oct. 28 – At a rugby game at Middlebury College recently, cheerleaders had taken the field to urge on the home team with timeless perkiness when they were silenced by a drove of naked students running a parade line through the middle of the field. At Connecticut College, a tour of the campus was conducted in the typical formation, with the guide walking backward, pointing to everything from the library to the dean’s office. The only wrinkle was that those taking the tour, both men and women, were without a stitch of clothes…

At colleges across New England and upstate New York, a band of naked students from Hamilton College, who call themselves the school’s varsity streaking team (and consider themselves undefeated and ranked No. 1 in the nation, though it is not clear – or even probable – that there is any competition), has been spotted tiptoeing through college libraries stark naked, forefingers on noses, advising people to shush and running down campus hills in a Flying V formation, also naked, flapping their arms and making “caw” noises.

Proudly describing themselves as more narcissists than naturalists, the streakers, most of whom say they are on the fringes of campus life and washouts from youth athletic programs, are not authorized in any way by Hamilton College or the N.C.A.A., and they obviously do not have the more common trappings of team play, like uniforms. All they come equipped with is deadpan humor and sneakers.

Theater of the absurd, meet intercollegiate sports…

“We kept referring to ourselves as a team,” said Craig Moores, a senior studio arts major, “and then it dawned on us that if we were truly a team, we’d have to have away games…”

The team starts by arriving on campus and formulating a plan of attack while fully clothed, disguised as that school’s students.

At Colgate recently, they first figured that they would run through the main portion of campus, and two floors of the student center, before going into the woods to undress.

Mr. Holzaepfel gave the team a pregame talk, though it was a short and modest one. The team was fearful of being caught, not to mention somewhat chilly….

Off they went, imploring Colgate students to strip (none did), and then back to their cars, which, as bad luck would have it, were parked in a lot next to a building where Colgate’s president was holding a meeting.

“We’ve done a lot of bad planning historically,” said Lydia Kiesling, a senior comparative literature major. “That’s usually the X-factor.”

The team was hemmed into the parking lot by three campus security vehicles, backed by the Hamilton Village police.

Andy Glossner, a junior chemistry major, looked ashen. If this police matter delayed him, he would miss an exam in physical chemistry, he wailed.

“Physical chemistry?” repeated Ms. Kiesling. “As opposed to what, mental chemistry?”…

Then the Hamilton Village police charged everyone with disorderly conduct.

Quote of the day: “I belong to you, I belong to you, You’re the one who will never let me down, won’t let me down, I belong to you.” – Superchick