it’s weird to spend eighteen years living with your family, move out for a year of college, stay out for a summer at camp, put in another four months at a different college and then move home for eight months. it’s weird, but it’s special. i didn’t want to come home feeling like i was turning back the time or giving up, and i never had a chance to feel that way. there are moments when it drives me a little nuts that i don’t have four symmetrical college years, but that passes and i don’t mind how confused i’ve felt because i’ve experienced so much hanging while i’ve been hanging in the balance.
it would be easy to regret transfering to hamilton last fall. it would be easy to say that i was following a whim, i was bored, or i was just being stubborn about adjusting to mount holyoke. i think it had to happen when it did. my theory: if i had never transferred, i would never have left, but if i had never transferred, i would never have come back. if you know me like i know me, we both know that i would have always been itching to get out and move on. it was weird to be so excited about hamilton, and then find myself feeling the same restless energy under my skin, like it never went away.
i don’t regret anything. i lightly rue the temporary disorder in my life, i hope i don’t feel that sort of stress and dissonance again for awhile, and that when i do, i’ll be able to handle it as well, i roll my eyes and shrug, but now i know where my feet stand and that i can walk in any direction, and i know i will find whatever i’m looking for eventually, even if it takes a few more journeys. the first of which will be back to mount holyoke. today is moving day!
quote of the day: “’cause life is such a changing art, life is such a changing art” – dar williams
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