. . . That You Really Love Because You Got it in New Zealand
1. Text your friend, Lil’ Jay, with whom you have been discussing flasks: My flask smells revolting. How do you clean a flask?
2. Wait for her reply: [My fiance] says, “What do you mean ‘how do you clean a flask?’ You Google ‘how to clean a flask!”
3. Wait for the addendum: He Googled it for you. Salt water or a little bleach in water.
4. Leave putrid flask out on the kitchen counter for one week, or until your roommate asks if there is any particular reason that your putrid flask is out on the kitchen counter.
5. Poke around in the cabinets, trying to remember what Lil’ Jay’s fiance’s Google search results suggested, until you find some white vinegar and baking soda and think, “Oh, yeah, that might have been it.”
7. Dribble some vinegar and a little bit of warm water into the flask.
8. Use the heart-shaped teaspoon your grandmother gave you for Valentine’s Day to scoop 1 tsp. baking soda into the flask.
9. Screw the cap closed and shake vigorously.
10. Listen to the fizzing.
11. Shake vigorouslier.
12. Listen to more fizzing.
13. Empty the flask. Rinse thoroughly with warm water.
14. Check old text messages and see that Lil’ Jay’s fiance actually suggested salt water and bleach, not vinegar or baking soda.
15. Google it yourself and find these great instructions for cleaning a stainless steel travel coffee mug (almost the same thing, yes?) with baking soda, boiling water, and white or cider vinegar on Good Housekeeping‘s website.
I bet Lil’ Jay’s fiance hasn’t even heard of Heloise and her hints, hmpfh!
16. Take a picture to show how well your sparkling and squeaky clean flask fits in the pocket of your pajama pants!
17. Feel silly.
18. Post it on the internet anyway.