Wonderland cake message

I have the cranial throbs of caffeine withdrawal, the scent of the powderfresh deodorant that I packed by accident is suffocating, I’m so thirsty that it feels like my tongue is tied in a knot in the back my mouth, my feet are going tingly from extreme air conditioning, and my sciatic nerve is burning a line from my tailbone to my hip.

I can’t imagine being in much worse shape for an interstate bus ride (though I’m glad I’m not hungover like the two morons next to me. The title of this post is a clue to a crossword puzzle that these guys are working together. They are totally stuck on that one. Should I give them a hint?).

And yet, I’m riding north on Interstate 95 at about 65 MPH, and even with the sun’s glare in the corner of my eye, it’s not all that bad. My discomfort has been eased somewhat by the clean, firm seat, the excellent traffic conditions, the broken Starlight mint that I found in my wallet, and the free. Wireless. Internet.

Funny how the signal was stronger going through the tunnel in Baltimore than it was on the open road just beyond Joppa, Maryland.

Boltbus is a new-this-year mass transit coach with service to and from Boston, New York, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC. New-this-year means the buses themselves are new. I didn’t find three years worth of crumbs in the crack between the seats and all the passenger air vents are in working order. The seats are [p]leather, so they’re less likely to absorb passenger odors overtime.

Oh, and the bus has a wireless receiver on board (a few new bus services offer internet access, but Boltbus is the only one I read about with power outlets for charging laptops or cell phones, too).

I’ve avoided buses (and any mode of transportation that doesn’t provide at least a few more amenities than a reclining seat and an even number of wheels) since one miserable night on a one-lane expressway in New Zealand, but my Boltbus experience hasn’t triggered any traumatic flashbacks.

The clientèle seems pretty diverse agewise and my fellow passengers are definitely not all technology geeks. That must be because the free WiFi isn’t the only perk—ticket prices start at around $10 and increase as the bus fills up. I booked my trip at the last minute for a holiday weekend and I paid less than $50, including the processing fee, to get to DC and back.

Beverage service wouldn’t hurt, is all I’m saying.

(A “Wonderland cake message” is “eat me.”)