Everything I need to know about life I learned from my mom

Twenty-five lessons

– That silverware belongs at 2 ‘o clock on the plate when you’re done eating
– That I am genetically feminine; it’s up to me whether or not I want to be a feminist.
– To tell people what I want; not to make them guess
– Not to choose a strapless wedding dress
– That if you’re not just a little bit hungry, you’re not on a diet
– That I can’t be everything to everyone
– That I can’t expect one person to be everything to me
– How to use a public restroom without making direct physical contact with any surface
– That I won’t have the same taste in home decor forever
– When my snot is electric acid neon green, I probably have a sinus infection
– It’s more tasteful to refer to snot as “nasal discharge”
– That sometimes, I won’t like the answer
– That sometimes, there isn’t an answer
– To wait two days before sending a letter that was difficult to write
– That hopes and wishes aren’t always fulfilled exactly how or when we want them to be, but that doesn’t mean they won’t ever be fulfilled
– Most people are more concerned with what they’re wearing than what you’re wearing
– That to be prejudiced against prejudiced people is still prejudiced
– How to conserve resources during a power outage
– To buy a bra that fits on the first hook; it’ll stretch out
– To tuck my shirt tails into my underwear to keep my blouse tucked in
– To fold sheets with a crease down the middle and use it to make the bed symmetrically
– To stick my feet out from under the covers to regulate my body temperature
– An assortment of ways to justify the cost of hair care
– To “clean as you go, girls, clean as you go” in the kitchen
– That “a lot” is two words