Top (Only) 4 Reasons My Laptop Doesn’t Suck

My mom was watching me type this morning. I’d compare the sensation to having someone watch you sleep, and freaking out when you noticed, but that’s never happened to me. Not in a romantic way or in a creepy way. So, she was watching me type and I didn’t even notice and then she said, “So when you tap it, that’s like clicking?” I wasn’t sure what sort of slang she was trying to decode (she works with middle schoolers, who knows what language those kids are speaking) until I realized she had been observing my keyboard mannerisms.

My laptop, for all of its flaws, has a few great features. And since it would take forever to list all the things wrong with this paperweight, I’d like to discuss its merits.

  1. The touchpad responds to tapping and has a separate touch sensitive scrollbar. I almost never have to use the left- and right-click buttons.
  2. One-Touch buttons that can be linked to applications or even websites. I hit with the push of a button.
  3. Backlit buttons and touchpad. Once, someone sat down beside me to tell me something and was mesmerized by the lights. She said, “Oh, pretty!”
  4. External volume control and mute buttons, as well as backlit audio controls for CD and DVD playback on the front panel. I can play, pause or mute even if the screen is down.

I’m so mad at my laptop right now that I’m unable to think of a fifth reason. That’s because the screen, the one that can be down and I’ll still have access to audio and playback controls, flickers like there’s a very little night club inside. Also, the power button, which is located right next to all of the One-Touch link buttons, that’s what I have to use to power the thing down. It goes through the whole shut-down process and would say, “Windows is shutting down” for all of eternity unless I stepped in and cut it off.

This machine is very dear to me. At least, I can only assume that it holds a special, secret place in my heart, and that’s the only reason I haven’t dropped it off the roof yet.

I knew there was a reason I set up the Whining category in WordPress.