Materialism

If you thought that stockings fell into that small category of clothing that has no strict backward or forward, you were wrong. I was wrong. I know because I had to go turn mine around halfway through the morning today.

If you thought stockings were dull and practical, you were wrong again. Here are some outside-the-box styles from Urban Outfitters.

1. Crochet textures are surprisingly flattering. Two Tone Crochet Tights, $14
2. Nothing fancy, just like the nylons that used to come in those eggs, except they’re VIOLET (or orange or red or teal). Opaque Tights, $12 or 2 for $20
3. Cable knit stockings to give bare legs a little more protection from the cold wind the comes up Fifth Avenue. Chunky Ribbed Tights, $11.99
4. Delicate pointelle adds interest without demanding attention. Crochet Sweater Tights, $9.99
5. The girly allover polka dot print disguises the weight of these chunky tights. Dot Sweaterknit Tights, $11.99

My lease dictates that I cannot have a dog, nor can I ask to have a dog. That second clause tells me that my landlord has a soft spot for wet noses and velvety ears and if I presented him with a real live puppy in a hoodie from J. Crew, he would fall in love and be unable to say no. I could have a new, furry housemate and possibly an on-call dog walker.

J. Crew surprised me with the crewmutts line in the fall and they released a second round of the collection early this month. I hope they continue to expand—right now, the “wardrobe” is leaning dangerously toward frat boy dogs. I guess models this cute can make anything look good. I love the tactful sizing guidelines: “Size up for in-between sizes and stout dogs.”

1. Candy-stripe dog sweater. Dry-clean only, which amuses me. $60
2. Leather-backed tartan collar. Comes in three tartans and three sizes. $45
3. Anchors aweigh dog sweater. $65
4. Sherpa dog hoodie. $68

I’ve come across two Etsy shops specializing in ceramic vessels that don’t want to look like ceramics.

Lorena Barrezueta gives TV dinners and take-out a twist in fresh shades like celedon and peach. She lists “seconds, samples and surprises,” leftovers out of her Brooklyn studio. Dine, $55 and Take-out, $75.

Alyssa Ettinger‘s porcelain “knits” come in all sort of cables, gauges and stitch textures. She makes vases and cups and coasters, but I love this bowl because I think it would be especially good for serving comfort food. She is Brooklyn-based, too. Knitware bowl, $65.

My distaste for creatures of avian descent is notorious, and as far as I’m concerned, justified, considering they have chased me, pooped on me, landed in my hair, and watched me sleep from an uncomfortably close range. Birds are trendy in modern design right now—I see sparrows and owls everywhere. Jewelry, apparel, art and home decor, paper goods, etc. Trees and branches and leaves are current, too, and I do love these motifs. I’ve done a little bit of treasure hunting for items that are flock free.

1. Urban Outfitters has the sapling version of Erich Grinder’s coat tree (below); sets of two wall-mounting hooks that would be equally charming in a tree house and a bedroom or bathroom. The antiqued, brassy finish gives the branches and tiny buds a naturally worn look. $18.00

2. The Tree of Life necklace condenses a majestic tree down to about an inch and preserves every detail in the leaves, bark, and roots. Charmed and Dangerous has this milagro-esque charm in gold- or silver-plate on three different chain lengths. 3. A woodland sprite might slurp her cereal from a leaflette the size of the handmade leaf charm. In gold or silver tone, it also comes from Charmed and Dangerous on a 16-, 17-, or 18-inch link chain. $18.00 each

4. When the oil lamp in this stainless steel votive is lit in a dark room, the tree silhouette casts a cedar or a pine tree shape on the wall. The projected shadow gets larger when the votive is farther away. Elsewares has both tree species. (I’d ignore the ‘nest’ style with its two perched birds, except that it would be the perfect backdrop at a reading of The Raven). $48.00

5. This porcelain tea light holder from Uncommon Goods captures the warmth and ambiance of a real campfire with its gentle glow. $15.00

6. Next time I dress up like Eve, I’ll accessorize my foliage bikini with this cuff bracelet, which emulates the imprint of two leaves curling toward each other. Urban Outfitters has it in hematite or gold tone. $24.00

7. The somewhat spare shape of this jewelry stand from Wrapables captures a tall tree’s simple dignity. It keeps special items and ones that I wear every day close at hand and prevents the tangles of a jewelry box. It makes me imagine a real tree with baubles caught in its branches. $60.00

8. We have a coat rack in our living room. Some people call it a coat tree. If you visit and ask me if you may hang your coat on my “coat tree,” though, I’ll shake my head regretfully and sigh, “I wish, but I don’t have one.” Perplexed, you’ll point silently at the coat rack in the corner like, “did you not notice that one over there?” and I might cry because it’s such a miserable imitation for this coat tree by Erich Ginder. Design Public offers free shipping on orders of $50 or more (good thing). $1,700.00

9. Every twig pencil from bluehouse is different because they are all made from real twigs. They have twig pens, too. $3.00

*Sorry about that title. It was just something I had to do.